Seventeen years ago I stood in my bathroom holding a positive pregnancy test. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I was absolutely terrified of the phone calls I would have to make to my family. Nothing about that time in my life was easy, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
I keep thinking about my grandmother during that time. She was the only person who was happy for me. She was the only one who made me feel like everything was going to be okay. Her joy pulled me through those early days. I remember she offered to buy me maternity clothes and she wanted so badly to send me something. A few years ago I called my grandmother and thanked her for being the best grandmother anybody could ever ask for. I bawled my eyes out for hours after I hung up. My grandmother is in the final stages of Alzheimer's and I knew that conversation was my way of saying goodbye while she could still understand. I am so glad I had that conversation with her. Incidentally, she told me I am her favorite. I had no doubt.
At 21 my best friend was this tiny girl who made me feel like the luckiest person in the world. I still feel unfairly blessed by these kids of mine. All I ever wanted to be was a mom, so thanks for that Kayla, Madison, and Eric. I hope that through your life I will be the one who makes you feel like everything will be alright.
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