Highschool

I guess I wrote this Fall 2013 and never published it... 

Kayla started highschool. That's so strange! I have a hard time feeling like I'm getting older, but its hard to deny that my kids are certainly growing up! So Kayla, here's what I need to tell you:

Dear Kayla,
I can't believe we're here. I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me every time I think about how close you are to moving away for college. Where did all the time go? I know people say this all the time, but it really does seem like you were just a baby a few days ago. As we begin this next chapter I need you to understand how hard this is for me.

Your entire life I have shielded you from harm. I have bought the safest car seats, read ingredient labels, and crept into your room late at night just to see you breathe. Do you know how many nights I stood and watched you breathe? You used to be so small, and you would get so sick. I would wake in a panic and run to your room just to make sure you were okay. Last week I had a nightmare. I knew I was being irrational, I knew you were fine, but I stood by your bed and traced the outline of your body with my eyes. All there, all okay. I repeated the process with Madison and Eric, then I checked the doors and windows and finally went back to bed.

Kayla, I am going to try really hard to let you make mistakes. I am going to try to step back and let you learn about consequences. I've been doing this in small ways your whole life, but it seems more important now. So I'll loosen up the reigns, but its going to be so difficult for me. I need you to understand that there will be moments when I will have to say no. You're going to be angry, and at least once you'll swear I exist to make you miserable. Please know that I just want be the best mom I can be, and sometimes that means I can't be your friend.