Done

She loved you so damn much. Believe it or not she still does. She can’t even talk to other guys and she’s trying so hard to move on. You ignored  and neglected her and then when the depression set in and she closed down you told her she didn’t love you and you fucking left. She was so lonely for so long and then you left her and she was alone in that damn apartment for months going to school and taking care of Dax and I had to remind her to eat. I bought her weight gainer and had to remind her every single day to eat and drink her shake. You called her crazy, you told people we both were, and we sat here and worried about you. I cried so many tears hoping you’d see how much pain she was in and just stop calling her awful names. She’s not a robot, your words kill her even if she doesn’t let you see it. Most nights she wishes she could go to sleep and just not wake up. Did you know that? Did you think your words and actions didn’t have that power? 

You told her she was hard to love and I think you finally convinced her. My beautiful, sweet, happy girl is scared to date. She’s trying to move on but I think it’ll be months before she is actually ready. She thought getting on tinder would be fun but she hates it and it makes her moody. 

She loves her job. They moved her to days because they were so impressed by her and want her to train new employees. She has this network of married older men and women who genuinely care a lot about her and watch out for her at work. She’s made new friends who want so badly to hang out and do stuff with her but she rarely does. She just works, goes to therapy, and takes care of Dax. It’s so painful for me knowing you let people believe terrible things about her. She never did anything to you. 

She had her surgery because she was so depressed and thought it would make her happier. Now you use it as an excuse to not give her child support money and make her feel stupid. Family members gave her money for Christmas and her birthday. Her dad gave her a lot of money for Christmas. She got a bonus at work, stimulus money, and tons of overtime for working every single holiday. She hustled and gave me money and then paid her surgeon in cash weeks before the surgery. She has savings, has started investing, paid off her debt, and makes sure Dax has everything he needs, including healthcare. She spends hours on the phone and in zoom meetings coordinating his care. She goes to all of his appointments alone and pays for his daycare by herself. 

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Kayla is crying herself to sleep again tonight and I’m just angry. I was really hoping you were going to do the right thing last week. Kayla thought it felt different this time.